Case Study: Fighting with my Dad
I'm not the kind of person that usually tends to talk about how they feel or what’s on their mind. In fact, I'm quite good at pretending there’s nothing wrong with me at all. It’s always been something that people have said is a bad thing - the fact that I don’t like the feeling that people are analysing me (even though, ironically, I'm a Virgo and by nature I analyse everything). Yet the following is something that contradicts everything I believe in and goes against my comfort levels. It’s something I need to say.
Not too long ago, I came out to my Dad. He's never had an easy relationship with me and although we are related there is no bond there at all. My history with him has always been like a ship at sea. It’s been violent, turbulent and at best it’s been dangerous. Yet no matter how much progress we seem to make, and no matter how many steps we take to become closer to one another, we only get further apart.
Today, he attacked me for the last time. It’s not something I'm going to report to the police as I feel that it will only cause more trouble, but I fought back. This wasn’t the first time that the man, who is 6 foot tall, stocky and a terrible alcoholic, has come home under the influence of cocaine and raised his fist to me while I'm alone. But it was definitely the last. The worst injury I've gotten from it was a bruised chest, God knows what I managed to do back to him but I didn’t stick around to check.
It’s made me open my eyes a bit more. It’s hardened me up. It’s re-built those walls that took so long to knock down. It’s shattered many things, yet solidified others. I'm doing my best to stay strong, to not be a victim, and yet it’s left a horrible little thought in my head: What if my story never ends with a happy ever after?
I've already taken initiative and removed myself from the house, moving into a new place on Friday. I was lucky to land on my feet with that one. It'll be hard, but I am determined to get through this. It will make me more determined to rise out of the shit that I seemed to have landed myself in.
So keep safe and stay strong.
